gladly beyond any experience

I'll admit it up front: I'm updating because if I wasn't I would either be lying in bed not sleeping, or working on homework. Easy to see why I chose what I chose? I thought so.

Kyle taught me to drive his car today! Well, kind of. We pulled into a gas station and I was reading for a class tomorrow and he went to get a drink and I stayed in the car and the girl's dog died in the part of the book I was reading, so he came back and I said, "her dog died, it's sad," and then I threw the book in the back of the car and said "I HATE dying" and cried for a really long time. Mature, yes. And then Kyle said, "do you want me to teach you to drive the Rav?" because he is very sweet and knows how I feel about distractions from sad things (like this: yes please ♥ ♥ ♥). So we went to the K Mart parking lot ("Where's the most deserted parking lot in town?") and I drove in circles in first and second gear and even reversed some and I only stalled out ONCE and then he had me drive to the mall on the back road and apparently I did pretty spectacularly, though I think that's just flattery. Still, there's hope for my sports car dream yet!

Today I was thinking about how this girl I really don't like has opposite opinions to mine on almost everything, including but not limited to the books we read in class and which Disney channel movies suck. And I got really excited about it, about thinking differently from this girl with whom I don't get along at all (because obviously my different opinions are different because they're better). Go on, dissect all the unhealthy implications to my personality. I know they're there already, so nyeh.


The funeral's tomorrow.


It's hard to know what to do. I feel guilty when I get really happy about something, but I just feel stupid being sad, because it's like...first of all, I know Tommy's so happy, and also, we were friends and I honestly loved him but we weren't best friends or anything. I have no prior experience for this and no one to ask for advice. When am I expected to move on? Should I feel horrible for still saying flippant things like about the girl I don't like? Is there some kind of balance I'm supposed to live in? How long is it appropriate to keep crying when a dog gets hit by a car in a book?

And then I keep thinking, what if it was one of my best friends. Which I know is completely unhealthy. But seriously. What would I do?