fic: on the subject of things unsaid

[beingfacetious]

Title: On the Subject of Things Unsaid
Author: Catey/beingfacetious 
Pairing: Ten/Rose
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Just borrowing from RTD and the Beeb.
Summary: The Doctor tries to win Rose back the only way he knows how.
Author's Notes: Just a ficlet written for the lovely challenge 42 ficathon at then_theres_us , from a prompt given by mylittlepwny .

If I love you with all my heart, she said,
what will you give me? & then she stopped
& said I didn't have to answer that
because she was going to do it anyway.

Something has shifted.

It takes him too long to realize what it is, and when he does the smallness and the hugeness of it nearly knocks him off his feet: Rose doesn’t look at him the same way. The fire has gone out of her eyes, or has been replaced by the dimmest embers. She holds her smiles close to herself instead of throwing them out to him. He used to hear “yes” every time she laughed; now it seems to be a kind of question, something he doesn’t understand or won’t let himself understand.

It started after they lost Reinette, he thinks, or perhaps as long ago as when they left Sarah Jane. He shouldn’t be surprised, according to Mickey’s smirks and the unpleasant squirm in his stomach, but he is; surprised when he turns mid-ramble to find her gone, surprised when he asks where she wants to go next and she shrugs.

He knows he has done something wrong—would probably even be able to tell himself exactly what, were he not afraid of facing it—but he doesn’t know how to fix it. So one day, in a rare moment in which Mickey wanders off and he and Rose are alone, he does the only thing he knows how.

He talks.

He lists his top five favorite fruits and expounds on why certain other fruits aren’t on the list. He admits that his endless tinkering in the console room is more about keeping his mind distracted than keeping his hands busy. He reminisces about their past trips, about people they’ve met and days they’ve saved. He wonders aloud how it is that the TARDIS has such an array of wardrobe choices for her but can only come up with one good outfit per regeneration for himself.

He does not tell her any of the myriad ways or reasons that love scares him. He does not tell her about Sarah Jane or anyone else. He does not tell her that he is sorry.  

But apparently what he does say is enough, this time. At some point between the topics of noses he has previously had and varieties of berries she should really try, she laughs. The sound is not quite what he has been aiming for, but it does seem to carry with it a withdrawal of the question she has been asking, and it relieves him. He moves to stand beside her and she lets him lock their fingers together as he talks on.

By the time Mickey finds them, they are both laughing so hard they barely notice him enter, and Rose is clinging to his hand like she hasn’t since he took her to New New York. He doesn’t quite know what it means, but she looks up at him with her nose scrunched up and her tongue between her teeth, and a grin takes over his face without a conscious effort, and he decides he doesn’t need to know right now.